Here I am

Back again

Darker days before

Darker days again

Everything right, I have done

Still in life, there is no fun

Screaming at the heavens, from within my head

Why do these feelings, darken my doorway again?

So lonely before, so lonely again

Yes my friends, Darker days again

I need to be helpful, in order to be helped

God's given me a path, a challenge developed

Poetry I only write, when the mood strikes

This poem kinda sucks, but it leads me back to the light

My tribal page, updated for you

Now my tribe, you help me through

Dark days before, Dark days again

Here I am, seeking a friend

Everyone asleep…I should be too

Knowing I'm loved, by many, including you

Lonely doesn't cover it, this feeling is deep

My life, a waste, no good, no sleep

Everything correct, I have done so far

But logic fails, when the heart wants more

My heart, I thought it to be not working

Tonight it proves me wrong

Now, perhaps I'll cry softly

As I listen to this song

*pause for Happy Xmas by John Lennon*

In case you are wondering, that song has a special meaning to me. Every December I hear it as the year threatens to roll over and start a new. Almost every year it reminds me to look back and see what I have accomplished. On good days, I can find a great many things that I've done successfully. On bad days, I feel like nothing has changed and I'm a complete failure at life.

I know what my heart wants, to love and be loved. I want someone who understands me and helps me become the person I wish to be. I have friends who love me, there is even someone who loves the shit out of me. However, it's a destructive love and I had to build a wall to block it. Is it so much to ask to have a companion who understands? Why is that so damn hard to find? We have technology up the ass…yet the human heart remains a mystery.

*Pause for Who you are by Jessie J*

Well…that put my mood in perspective. There is just enough time for me to get another hour of sleep before I have to get up again.

For those feeling shitty right now, here's a ******* HUG ******* for you. I know it's not as good as the real thing, but it's the best I can give you right now.



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