Here I am
Darker days before
Darker days again
Everything right, I have done
Still in life, there is no fun
Screaming at the heavens, from within my head
Why do these feelings, darken my doorway again?
So lonely before, so lonely again
Yes my friends, Darker days again
I need to be helpful, in order to be helped
God's given me a path, a challenge developed
Poetry I only write, when the mood strikes
This poem kinda sucks, but it leads me back to the light
My tribal page, updated for you
Now my tribe, you help me through
Dark days before, Dark days again
Here I am, seeking a friend
Everyone asleep…I should be too
Knowing I'm loved, by many, including you
Lonely doesn't cover it, this feeling is deep
My life, a waste, no good, no sleep
Everything correct, I have done so far
But logic fails, when the heart wants more
My heart, I thought it to be not working
Tonight it proves me wrong
Now, perhaps I'll cry softly
As I listen to this song
*pause for Happy Xmas by John Lennon*
In case you are wondering, that song has a special meaning to me. Every December I hear it as the year threatens to roll over and start a new. Almost every year it reminds me to look back and see what I have accomplished. On good days, I can find a great many things that I've done successfully. On bad days, I feel like nothing has changed and I'm a complete failure at life.
I know what my heart wants, to love and be loved. I want someone who understands me and helps me become the person I wish to be. I have friends who love me, there is even someone who loves the shit out of me. However, it's a destructive love and I had to build a wall to block it. Is it so much to ask to have a companion who understands? Why is that so damn hard to find? We have technology up the ass…yet the human heart remains a mystery.
*Pause for Who you are by Jessie J*
Well…that put my mood in perspective. There is just enough time for me to get another hour of sleep before I have to get up again.
For those feeling shitty right now, here's a ******* HUG ******* for you. I know it's not as good as the real thing, but it's the best I can give you right now.