Well its been a while, since I have done any serious writing, or updating, so since I can't sleep, I thought I'd get into the habit of writing and journaling again. Its something I enjoy but something that takes some kind of commitment to keep it up, something that I have to admit that I am not any good at. To say the past week has ben kinda hell, is an understatement. I was dumped. I got fired. I lost a good friend, and my grandfather has a scare in the hospital, and I was scared he was going to die. I am getting ready to have surgery come Wednesday (11-06-13) I am glad the surgery is finally coming up. I have been on a Liquid diet since last Wednesday. Its been hard, but I know its going to be worth it.

I am currently staying at my grandparents, which is a huge relief. I feel like I have let my entire family down by getting fired. I know I am not the 1st person to get fired, but it still feels like there was something that I could have done to help me keep the job. Everyone says its a blessing in desquise. I guess its pretty good one, because I don't see how getting fired could possibly be a blessing, but than again, what the fuck do I know these days? It seems that no matter what I do, or no matter how hard I try to do something right, always end up messing up and making matters worse.

The good news is that I won't have to worry about being approved for the time off from work for my surgery. After the surgery i'll have the chance to really recover and not have to worry about going back to work right away, which I guess is a god thing.

Well the whole gettin' dumped thing, well it sucks, but there are a lot of worse things going on in my life beside that right now. I'll get over that, I always do. I just have to learn that people are going to let you down.

I really want to work out on coming out, that I'm bisexual, but I'm just not strong enough for it. I know that if my family loves me, they will not judge me, but still. I'm scared. :/ Who knows :/ maybe one day.

I Lost a friend to, but that was her doing. She did not support me in not having anything to do with A. She is still in Love with A, and I totally understand that, but I can't let A back into my life. She fucked me up big time, emotionally and mentally. I'm trying to deal with it, but it is not easy at all. I'll write about A later, now I just am trying not to think about her.

My grandparents put a room together for me. I got my computer some books, and my cell phone, and a bed. Its weird, I feel more welcomed here, than I do in my own damn home. I guess since I have no income right now, I can't even call it my home.


Well I'm done for the night. Till next time.


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