I went to a beach meeting yesterday morning at 8am. Beautiful day!
I kinda wanted to back out but I had made arrangements to meet a girl who is very new in the program, so I packed up my guitar and various accoustic noise makers, according to plan, and ventured out..
The meeting was good, hard to hear over the surf at times…we had a lead speaker and the topic was “the Serenity Prayer”.
I realized that I totally lived in the first line in my first year of sobriety. “God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change..” (which, I was told was EVERYTHING BUT MYSELF). So, I spent the first year (probably longer) learning to accept….well EVERYTHING, and trying to be a happy door mat.
The “Courage to change the things we can” came in the second year – came in doing the steps…more specifically the 9th step. Knowledge of my defects was thrust upon me in steps 5-8 but it was in the 9th that I came face to face with the things in me that needed changing and that I can change.
One of my defects of character is that I am a “chameleon”. Having lived no longer than a couple of years at at time in childhood, I learned to adapt…I became whatever/whomever you wanted me to be..to be accepted by you. ..especially if you were my husband. 😀 Of course, that didn't work and before long and I began to resent you. I resented you because you formulated an impression of me based on what I presented you with.
So the second year I have spent learning who I really am, behind the mask. I am finding out that a lot of the old me is still in there…a lot of the really good things. the creativity, the caring, the “shoot from the hip” honesty…
I'm looking forward to this third year and hopefully gaining the “WISDOM to know the difference”…
WHAT A RIDE!:bowl: