Heartbreak has always been an excuse for me to get high. When my husband left I thought my world was over. I spiraled completely out of control getting high and sleeping with random men. I finally met someone who made me feel special. We entered into a relationship and spent the first half getting high and bumbling through life. Then we both decided to get sober. It was hard and I was so sick but I pushed through. He had no choice but to get sober or to go to prison after he wrecked my car and got a dui. I got sober for him and because it needed to happen. I spent almost six amazing months sober. Then he relapsed. I worked on my sobriety still after he was moved from his outpatient care he’d been doing for month to inpatient care. He could have had his phone locked in the safe at his facility but he had forgotten it in the car and decided to just leave it and for me to find it and bring it into the house when I got home. I didnt find it until day six of his inpatient treatment. I then made the horrible mistake of looking through his phone. It turned out that he had been doing more drugs that he had told me about and he has been cheating on me for our entire relationship. As far as ive found out he has never actually had sex with any of these girls but the content of the messages is beyond anything i could even imagine. He even has sexy pictures that they sent him saved on his phone. There are also messages from people i know he was talking to that have been completely deleted. I found all of this last night. So i relapsed. Then i did it again today. I have spoken with him about everything. Its so hard to accept this. I told him about the relapse. He spent the rest of the phone call making me feel like the worst person in the world. As if what i did was so much worse than what he has done. I will not even attempt to say that what I did was right. I am going to work harder than ive ever worked to make this my last night of highs. I cannot fall back into that horrible dark place I was in six months ago. I want to keep my life.