In case it won't play –>

This movie was on the web titled “state employees” but it struck me that I used to deal with my addiction much like this. “Help … excuse me … can you rescue me? What? Stop the activity I was engaged in? I don't understand. Can't you just come and get me?” You watch the movie and you laugh at the insanity of their supposed dilemma. Wow, my solution was just as simple as their's! Get off the ride!

And you know what? I couldn't do it by myself. I needed God and the rooms to fully get it.

I had a rich and full weekend. It started with coffee at the AA clubhouse as I paid bills. I have no idea why they trust me, the convicted felon, with the checkbook but the trust is not misplaced today. And it makes me care.

Then I cleaned out my closets at home. They aren't done yet, but I'm thrilled to be getting rid of my excesses. Before I would have clung to my stuff. It brings some sort of “security.” Ask any packrat. But today, I just want to keep it simple. The warmer sweaters and coats will go with my friend when he makes his regular skid row run and the rest will be donated to the Salvation Army. Somehow, I can let go of that stuff knowing it will be used by someone else that needs it more.

Then it was back to the clubhouse to do my coffee bar commitment. It's so nice to see friends. To talk to other sober alcoholics. You know, most of the people that hang out there all day long really have nowhere else to go and they are hanging out to their seats with both hands. I realize I am blessed with a home and a family who loves me. This should be obvious, but I'm a little slow sometimes. I'm told I cheer people up with my sunny disposition. What a change from when I used to lie, cheat, steal, deceive or even just isolate.

I'd like to rave about the NA convention, but truthfully there were just too many people there. My feet were wrecked after standing in line for 45 minutes for coffee! I'll tell you what, though. I didn't find it necessary to drink or use on Saturday and I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow that night.

Sunday I had to go to a board meeting at the same ol' AA clubhouse to give an update on the accounting situation. See, I just took over the books about a week ago and this is new for all of us. What, me … in a board meeting? People care what I have to say? NO WAY!

Finished up the bathroom after that. There is so much pink in there now that it emits a soft pink glow to the hallway. My boy children must be digging that! My 8 year old is afraid his friends are going to find out. I told him to have his friends use the bathroom downstairs, which is primarily green. He wants me to redo it in BLUE. He doesn't feel that green sufficiently offsets the girliness of the upstairs bathroom. I told him to get a job and we'll talk! :biggrin:

Last, but certainly not least, we had a fund raising dinner (tri tip and mashed potatoes + no dishes to wash = happy Suzy) followed by an outstanding speaker. He said so many wonderful things, I should have been taking notes! I hope some of it sunk in on some level. One thing that I remember was this:

[i]The difference between having faith in God and trusting God is like this: Having faith is like seeing a man walking a tightrope pushing a wheelbarrow and believing he will make it to the other side. Trust is like riding in the wheelbarrow while he pushes it.[/i]

Not really a new concept. Either God is or he isn't … which am I to believe?

Periodically throughout the weekend I checked this site. I know I'm behind on comments and messages. Please forgive me if you are one of those people. But know this: This site is really helping me to focus all the more on recovery. As I read your writing and share my insight, my focus is redirected to stuff that matters. I become grateful. I feel loved.


Love to you,


1 Comment
  1. steveb 16 years ago

    keep coming back, it gets better. i finally figured out that the IT was me. who da thunk it???????????????

    0 kudos

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