Dear OCD,

You tire me out. You leave my whole body wrenched at the end of the day. You make it difficult to perform even the simplest task at times, because my concentration can be almost non-existent. You machine-gun fire those thoughts my way and I feel each hit as though a tiny explosion of fire has hit my brain. I am strong enough to know what you throw at me is not real, that it is completely outrageous. But, somehow, you are able to grab my arm and lead me down halls of deception where I convince myself I am bad or horrid or ugly or…something bad. Because of you, I am exhausted by the thought of showering or going to the restroom. Because of you, the idea of giving my son a hug holds some resistance. Because of you, I can not always allow myself to be fully happy in the moment with my family. You have taken control of me in so many ways I never thought possible. You have mired me on a distant island separated from all I know and love.

But, today, I am starting to fight back. I invite you OCD to stay with me, because I know for certain you will never leave. But I tell you this, with all my might and all the force I have in my soul, you will not control me. I may still struggle to be happy on some days. I may still struggle some days to know that I am a good person. But, from now on, you can be assured I will struggle. I am going to live my life the way I want to, and if you want to come along for the ride good ol' OCD, be my guest. But shut the F&%$ UP!!!

3 Comments
  1. fallingangel 11 years ago

    I wish you the best of luck in fighting your OCD! I'm also trying to come to terms with the fact that OCD will most likely always be with me, no matter how much medicine I take, and I'm trying to convince myself that I can still be happy and have a "normal" life with it. For many of us, it will most likely always be with us, but it doesn't have to control us!\"\"

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  2. tpmnight 11 years ago

    Yes!!!!!! You go, girl! \"\"

    Every time I read one of your blogs, your words inspire me to fight harder. Keep up the good fight!

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  3. emotions 11 years ago

    Feel like shedding a tear…

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