I think that I had bad dreams last night.  I woke up feeling bad and I just can't shake it.  I was dreaming that I was at UBC begging an admissions guy to let me back in and I kept getting distracted by this old black dog that was looking at me and whining.  The whining turned out to be my baby trying to get me to take him out of his crib.  I had sort of a nervous break down – well, not sort of I did I just hate saying it – in my last year of school.  It was really terrible and I ended up having to drop out just before finishing my degree.  I was going to be a teacher.  I'd always been shy but this is the point in my life when I really lost control.  Panic atatcks and crying all the time, afraid to go out.  I always thought that everyone was looking at me and judging me.  I was too anxious to eat alot of the time.  I got really thin.  I wouldn't see my friends, see a doctor, dentist etc.  I moved away from everyone.  It has been a long road back.  I wouldn't even say back b/c I am so different.  The person I used to be is gone.  I feel robbed sometimes even though I am happy with my life and have – for the most part – come to terms with SA.  I guess I have just felt that old overwhelming anxiety creeping back lately and am so frustrated that I don't seem to be able to control it.  My doctor says that it is post partum depression.  That makes me sad and frustrated too b/c I am so happy to be a parent and love my baby so much that I am frustrated to no end that I can't just enjoy it.  I also found out that I owe $644 that I don't have this tax year and a guy was yelling at one of the cashiers when I was grocery shopping.  Just a crappy day.  I just need to drag my mind back into the positive.  Eat something.  Remember what I am grateful for.  Glad to have a place to get all of this off my chest though 🙂    


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