i got out of bed today with every intention on getting ready to go job hunting. but as i got out of the shower and sat there brushing my hair i found myself in tears. Today was the first time in almost a week that ive gotten out of bed to take care of myself. i found myself taking my computer into my room and watching movies all day and night. while everyone eles out there is working their jobs and taking care of their kids i find myself in bed crying all day. I dont know whats worse the fact that i have no job right now and cant support my daughter or the fact that i cant get myself out of bed to make her dinner. shes been out of school for two weeks for the holidays, and i wasnt even fine over the holidays, i tried to put on a smile for her and i tried to enjoy the time with her but i found myself falling even further and further into this dark hole that i cant seem to get out of. I have my mom go to the store for me for what ever needs i have or my daughter, and i sit in my room day in and day out i honestly cant remember the last time i had a real meal or even eat.. so its hard for me to even admit to this.. i want to just have a good day and not feel like im suffering anymore. and i cant even do that without tearing up. i break down when no one is around and put on this fake smile like everything is going to be A OKAY. but in the back of my mind i honestly dont know if everything is going to be okay… i take one step forward and fall two steps back. i know things could be alot worse then they really are and im thankful every day that i have the family that i have the kids that i have. but for some reason i cant get out of this depression.. i say im going to do something and i never follow thru with it. I never follow thru with anything anymore!!! gawd i hate this feeling inside of me… well thats it for now. gotta try and put on a happy face for everyone today…
-
Life?
Greenland1, , Depression, Personality Disorder, Sex Therapy, 1
i fucking hate people i dont want to live anymore i hate some people cant see the world cant...
-
Lonely road
thistle, , Depression, Divorce, Relationships, 0
at the urging of a great friend here ,i will relate some of the history of my recent beautiful...
-
Heath Teacher
HelpMeLove, , Depression, Child, Grief, Questions, Self Esteem, Suicide, 1
Okay, if you have read my last few blogs, you'd know my father had given my health teacher a...
-
I hate my son’s father
jeg1124, , Depression, Addiction, Child, Infidelity, Relationships, Sex Therapy, 0
Ok so back in high school I started seeing my son's father (Nov. of 2004). We have a 16...
-
Random Blog/Update
Nessie26, , Depression, Addiction, Child, Depression, Religion, Stress, Therapist, 0
Hello. I hope everyone is doing okay. I really haven't written a blog in months. But it is time....
-
Failing to Help
GotSunshine, , Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Depression, Medication, Relationships, Stress, 0
I have dated my S.O., who has anxiety for the last 7 years. Our relationship together is a constant...
-
First Anniversary
TessErin, , Depression, Anger, Child, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 1
October 4th is the first anniversary since my grandma passed away. I miss her so much but life moves...
-
Ashamed
Lost_Bella, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, 1
Well today has been the first time i have thought of hurting myself in a year. I feel so...
Having a shower was a good move! Have you seen a doctor or a therapist? If you haven't, you probably should.. But for your daughter.. She wouldnt want you being so down would she?
Hang in there.
– jac