For many years now i have always been told that i have an anger problem and that i need to calm down. I have had a good, but hard childhood. My mother left us when i was about 6 to start a relationship with my stepfather. For many years i wondered why she was hardly around until the day they got married and then she took my dad to court for custody. the 3 kids were split with whom they wanted to live with, me i wanted to stay with my father, i think becausehe never left us. So over the years there was a lot of back and forth with my parents and the fighting over us kids, and the mediators who for some reason wanted me to draw my impression of a house everytime i went into the sessions, as well as the "tell your father this", and the " tell your mother this".

My whole intire childhood and teen years was spent with fighting back and forth between the families and trying to convince my siblings that we should live with our father.

Me and my mother to this day have never had a healthy relationship and dont see one starting anytime soon. she feels she does everything for us kids and goes above and beyond, but only when there is something in it for her. I try to tell myself all the time that i want to be nothing like her yet at times i see some of her in me and that scares me to no end.

my father remarried shortly after i turned 12 to a lady who literally drinks 21 beers a day (ive counted). So for the past 17 years he has focused mainly on building the relationship with her and their new addition, my little sister. my dad has always taken care of us kids making sure we always had food, a roof over our heads, and clothes, but he never tried building a emotional bond with the original 3 kids. which recently i really noticed it, when my dad sneaks off and lies to me about where he is taking my younger sister and they have movie dates and dinner dates, when i questioned him about it he says " its priceless at this stage in my 16 yr old sisters life to spend quality time with her". After hearing that i really got more depressed, why?, because my dad has never asked to spend quality time with me or my other brother and sister.

As far as my siblings, my brother is mainly focused on his new family and kids to have anytime for others, which i dont blame him all the way because hs family should come first, but it would be nice to have him more in my life.

as far as my older sister, well she is so much like my mother its scary and we have never had a healthy relationship. went spent most of our childhood fighting and yelling at eachother. as well as she betrayed me so bad that im still angry at her deep down. when we were younger about 9 years ago she came to stay with me and my boyfriend whom i had been with for about 9 months, well she had been there for 3 weeks and while driving home she let me know that her and him were in love and that they wanted to be together. well needless to say we broke up and it took everything in me not to harm her physically. we didnt speak for about 3 years and from what my dad has said she stayed with my ex for about 1 year and then left him. I still dont fully trust her and find it hard to trust her with anything in my life. she had been so nasty verbally to me over the past years since we started talking again and right now im at the point of trying to decide if keeping a relationship with her is in my best interest at all.

My little sister unfortunately isvery close to my older sister and looks up to her for everything, which to most doesnt sound like a bad thing until you meet them both. she is so rude and disrespectful to everyone around her except my father, and the only reason she's nice to him is so he will continue to spoil her on a daily basis.

for a while now i have not been able to sleep or take control of my life. when i looked up Dysthymia it fit me like a glove. i need help from others who are familar with this disorder. How do i get over my past so that i may have a healthy future?