it seems there are too many good moods on the mood list. it makes me annoyed. i want to select "defeated".

I want to be healthy. i want to rid my body of all toxins. how do i do that with the little will power that i have? i have had a shitty morning because (i think) i didn't have coffee this morning. i want to narrow everything down, so i have one thing to blame for my moods.. not "it could be this or that".

my bf blames my mood swings on insulin highs coz i "just had ice cream" or the low after coffee wears off. i hate that. i used to be so in love with him. he is worried i will get bored of him, i've never thought i would. but last night i couldn't sleep coz it wouldn't leave my mind. i miss romance n excitement. i miss butterflies in my tummy. the last time (n maybe 2nd time in our whole rel) i got flowers was coz i complained that he had given up on "woo-ing" me. i try keep date night once a week but his work seems to get in the way a lot. its not like i don't be romantic for him, but lately i've given up coz he doesn't notice or appreciate it. and i can see he is unhealthy, he can too and he wants to change but there's always an excuse. he's too tired, he's got no time etc..

i want to be healthy so i can have a clear head, and i'm so scared that this clear head is going to tell me to get rid of the man i once loved so much. i still do love him, but it seems to be intermittent nowadays. he's been there for me thru so much, and i feel guilty for being ungrateful. i feel as though he forgets about me though, if things are good and im not down, our relationship seems to get pushed aside. maybe we jumped in too quickly.. too serious.. taken all the mystery out of it?

so lost