The boy I'm seeing is seeing someone else.

Not in the conventional sense.

Our relationship has been full of inanimate other women. Music, viedeo games, money, etc. One thing has always been constant, there is always something that gets in the way of him being there. When we met he had no goals, no job, and just partied his little ass off. I, on the other hand, was working ontop of going to school full-time. I've paid his bills when he's unemployed, taken care of him when his depression leaves him unable to leave the couch. Even when he cheated I stayed.

I'm a sucker.

Lately, my depression has been eating me alive. I don't want to get out of bed, I rarely eat, I chain smoke, I'm a hot mess. When ever I reach out to him for comfort, all he has to say is "You're depression is just as hard for me!" and "When you're like this I can't help being angry!" In the end I'm left feeling worse. Now, not only am I depressed, I'm a burden.

Now saunters in his best friend. He's young and dumb, but has life graced him. He's the front man of a band that was signed to a freaking record lable only a few short months after they wrote their first song. He's paid to do what he loves. He's living the artists' dream. The friend has decided that life has lost it's luster because the music scene has died. My boyfriend has put it upon himself to be this friend's personal therapist. He spends his days off consoling him, texts him at all hours, We can't even watch a show without him burrying his nose in his phone.

What makes his depression more important than mine? How can someone who claims to love me watch me suffer and do nothing? It makes no sense. How can he say that I complete him if he doesn't even care? I'm tired of feeling like a jealous lover.

1 Comment
  1. lightangel 7 years ago

    Having read all this it sounds like there is not much in the relationship for you. He seems so self occupied, Im wondering if he is able to behave enough how a good partner should. Then he gives his consoling attention to his friend rather than you, which doesn't make sense. 

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