Well ppl im here that is amazing cause i spent my new years under sedation from the 28th till the 5th and through all this my 'b.f" stayed with me a good thing right? well noo cause im feeling slightly that he wants some type of gratitude or obedeance and is it fair just to assume the worst just cause the person is not doing what you want? well thats how i feel like cause you sat by my bed side and i thank you and trufully i didnt know cause i was in lala land but thanks but does that give them a free pass into my life we are dateing but this has put a strain and made me a bit leary cause i mean who keep memories from the hospital? he kept the restraints now i know we are both a bit touched mentally but he is becoming everything i dont like in one compleate package and now if i want to travel hell if i just dont want his company i have to go thorough a war to regain my peace Why if you love me trust me and im feeling like why be honest with a person when they throw the stuff you have told them back in your face i know im running at top speed and this has many errors but if yah know how i feel give me some in put cause every one is lookin at me like im evil (cept those who know him) because i dont want to be questioned about things i have been open about but get the same daamn generic answer from him i know there arent too many ways i can say thanks for sitting with me wipeng my drool and even changeing my diper but the nurses would have did it but i just want my space im now 30 days clean and just on my meds but his accusations are pushing me back toward the things i shouldnt be doing and is putting just too much on this already frail relay i know i need to walk away but..i just dont know whats out there im am numb with fear of change but angry that i even tried to make this work but then io try to ask myself it it me or my manic ways that sets the tone but i know its not me cause at least when i argue i have a reason and not just what i think or feel.

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