I know that I am not right because of not taking my pills. But there are a lot of things on my mind. I have been sitting home alone all night, and I have things to do but I cant bring myself to get up and do it. I hate facing reality, its easier to watch tv and get lost in the lives of others. My least favourite part of TV is the commercial breaks because that’s when I think of my own reality. Right now it feels like my biggest mistake was moving away here. I wasn’t happy at home, but I’m not happy here. I am not happy anywhere. I miss my bestfriend Connor, a lot happened in the past and her hurt me and my boyfriend, but usually he is the one I talk to when I feel this way, and now I cant talk to him because of Jordan. I love Jordan to death, but I just don’t know why I feel so unhappy. I miss so many things that I feel like I cant get back no matter what I do. Does everyone feel like this? Why am I the one feeling like this all the time? I try to apply what I’ve learned in counseling to make things better but I feel like when I’m alone there is no stopping my obsessive thoughts. There I go again, using the words “I feel”. Feelings are not fact, that is what my counselor tells me. Even though I understand most of these things are not true and I know I am over reacting, I cannot help it. I don’t know what to do. Who should I talk to? I wish there was help for me instantly and I was happy. I need something to fill the hole I have.
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I totally know where you are coming from when you say you logically know that what you are feeling isn’t right, but you just can’t help it. No matter how much I self-talk myself or rationalize things, I just can’t help feeling the way I do, & it is extremely hard (if not impossible) to fight them & stop myself from the obsessive & sometimes irrational thoughts.
You might not be able to see the people on here in person, but in the short time that I’ve had this account, I’ve found quite a few people on here helpful, or at least understanding & supportive.
But don’t your pills help you feel better? Why would you stop taking them?…I really don’t know much about meds yet. I’ve only just had the guts to see the doctor about my depression 3 weeks ago, as of today. So far, they aren’t doing a thing for me…he said they can take 3-4 weeks to work tho, sooo guess we’ll just see how this week goes. Might have to up the dose or change the kind I take I suppose??
Anyways, just thought I’d throw it out there that you can talk to me whenever you like, if you want to. Hope things start looking up for you. Take care.