It all started about two years ago, I was attending Texas A&M University in College Station, Texas. On a day like any other I had an eerie feeling on my way to class and just shook it off. About an hour into class I just seemed to not be able to breathe, then slowly my chest began to hurt, then a numbness came over my limbs. I felt like I was fading away but rather than make a scene I waited it out and left and went straight to the hospital. My doctor explained to me that a small irregularity in my heart was taking its toll on my heart. Problem is that it is a completely random occurrence with no trigger what so ever. Although I had been told I had some sort of murmur in high school I was told it was nothing serious and I had definitely never felt anything like this before. Fast forward to today, I have gained almost 100 lbs and have lost my love for playing basketball. I have been trying to continue schools but have had some medical obstacles. I have about two years of school done but since becoming sick and becoming depressed I've lost my drive and way as to what I want to be. I've had four surgeries in these past two years and have been through a bunch of doctors that all either cant help or won't. They all tell me that they can't explain why my heart does what it does and that for me not to worry because as it stands my condition won't kill me, however when I get to that point, then they will operate on me, so until then don't worry and it will all be okay. Head aches, chest pain, light headedness, shortness of breath, fatigue, and confusion every single day for two years is all ok? I don't feel ok, does that count for anything? I am just so tired of feeling sick everyday and living on edge all the time. Most days I feel some sort of hopeless and like it will all be over and better when I'm dead, on my better days I feel a sense of numbness and enjoy things like video games and movies where I can feel significant and like I'm somebody else. My very best moments are the times i spend crying because i feel something. The only positive thing in my life has been my little sister which makes me want to snap myself out of what i feel but as anyone out there knows you can't help how you feel. I don't want pity or people to feel sorry for me I just want to hear any thoughts anyone has or experiences.


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