I know that have sever depression, PTSD, ADHD, OCD, and a few other conditions but I wonder if I also have S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? I always feel myself get extra emo during this time of the year. Some years are better than others but I feel it for the most part. This year has been full of so much shit thats it has been hard to cope at times. te weird thing is that some good things have also happened and I have gotten myself in more of a routine with my health and wellness which is huge! I did find another online support group that has been extremely helpful but it’s has also been a struggle to find other support in that journey. Even my loved ones aren’t very supportive. Not to mention I am having a hard time with my now adult son with special needs. He wants to be independent but is still a ways away from being able to be. Then there is my love life that is still in the crapper. I don’t know why I am always settling for things and people who don’t fit in my life the way they should. I think I have made progress in alot of aspects of my life except this particular one. I just need to be by myself ad figure things out. Ive never taken the time to just be. Being in relationships take work and I just don’t have very much to give in that department anymore. Especially when the people I’m with require so much care and maintenance. They broken like me or worse. I can’t mother my significant others. Not only does it suck the life out of me I just don’t want to do it and am resentful to have to do it. I just can’t. I have so many other things I have to deal with and take care of namley my health and my son. I have so many outside nflunnecessary that affect my emotional and mental state that it just gets too much to deal with at times. I just need to get my shit together. I’m getting too old to deal with this bullshit. I want and deserve to be happy. I want it so bad I can taste it. Love is just something that I need a break from. It alludes me and I think I need to stop trying so hard and let it come and happing naturally if it does. if it doesn’t then il also ok with that. During this time of pandemic I have had alot of time to reflect and reevaluatemy life and I definitely know what I want and what I don’t want. We’ll see what the new year brings. Even with eveything feeling like it’s in the proper, I still have hope. Peace, love and good vibes for the new year.

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