So I had a night off from him and the kids. He seemed to be quite happy to let me stay at his other daughters mums over night (we get on quite well) but when he came to drop her off and I went back to mine with him and Livvie, he was really off with me the whole time. He said fuck all to me on the hour and a half journey home, then he was creating an atmosphere all last night and throughout today – I’m starting to think that he had a good nosey at what I’ve written on this sight and he’s holding it for when the next row starts off.

But I’ve just been on youtube (due to bordem) and saw that he’d left it signed in on his account, and I just had an urge to have a quick look at who he’s been talking too, trying to add as friends etc and I’ve come across 6 young-ish girls/women he’s been messageing/asking to be his friend – the youngest of which was 18! I don’t know what too do! I have no hard proof, but I’m suspicious of a 31year old woman that hes been massaging, who it turns out is from Sheffield – which is next to Barnsley, which is where he was working before xmas last year and where he went to "the gym" every night after work – i wouldn’t get in touch with him until gone 8 or 9 most nights even thought he finished work at 5.. It all seems to be far too much of a coinsidence for my liking.

I can’t confront him about it, I can’t face another row. I’m having to try seriously hard, just keeping it together until wednesday afternoon. He’s off to see his other daughter tomorrow and I’m thinking of maybe writting him a letter and putting it somewhere he wont look until after he’s left the house. But then it wouldn’t take much for him to just come back.

What the hell do I do? Just carry on, pretending I don’t know anything? Or maybe he’s been acting off with me becauser he’s met some other young, gulable, impressionable girl with no sence (I was 17 when I met him and he roped me in with what I found out later where endless lies.)  Do I make an account and warn all these young women about him? Or do I just wait for some hard proof of what he’s really been upto?

I’d like to add that when Livvie was still very young (early few months) he would show up from work 2/3 hours late and says he just sat outside the house (in the hight of winter! {jan/feb}) because he couldn’t face me.. But even back then he’d left pages open that I saw- one was his myspace on which he had added some 18 year old girl called claire who was from the area he was working at the time, and when I asked him about her he denyed knowing her, then suddenly remembered she was a friend of one of his slaggy friends – who was his ex aswel if I remember right.

And not only tha but shorlty after I found that he’d signed upto a thing called sex in the uk (situk.com or something) which he denyed knowing anything about when asked about it – but couldn’t explain why he hadn’t just deleted it when he’d seen it.. I get junk mail thats pretty dirty sometimes but I delete everything thats of no importance to me. I just asumed that a man that spent all his time on the computer from the moment he got in from work to the moment he went to bed, would have done that too..

But then is it just me? Am I in denyl? Does anyone reading any of this see what I’m missing?

Why couldn’t I just have found a nice guy? Every man I attract turns out to be a complete wanker.  I must have a sign saying "take advantage of me" on my back.

Hope I can hold it together until wednesday. God help me and Livvie if I can’t.