I know its been a very very long time since my last blog.. probably like a year or so! AMAZING how quickly things can change, and how quickly thinks can backtrack. What amazes me the most is how quickly something can knock you back to where you were in the first place!

I guess i'll start with what's happened since my last blog. I've travelled to England, which was AMAZING. I loved it. I visited a friend i met on DT actually. Amazing girl. we had an awesome time. Drank too much, too often, but I really didn't care! Spent my 25th birthday over there. Hopefully get back over there middle of next year.

I got a job, at a local supermarket. Its not rocket science, but hey its money, which i'm enjoying having extra of… especially this time of year.

I'm studing. I've decided i want to go on to uni to become a social worker. kinda ironic really concidering my past, but hey, if you can't beat em, join em! I've completed a Cert 2 in community services, and hope to go onto do a cert 3 next year, followed by uni or a diploma the year after. Big life decision i guess.

Got myself a boy.. until i found out he is a psychopath (diagnosed by a shrink), violent man, shoots at people, has been hired to kill people before, all of which i didn't know unil a few weeks into the relationship. Joy. Trying to get out of this relationship while living is very very hard. I've been told to try and get him to stop contact, rather than me. If i set him off, i'm in huge trouble.

Met someone else that i really like. Yet he is not located near me.

Untila week ago, i thought my life was settled. I new what i wanted, working towards a goal, making huge steps to realise my dreams, jobs, etc, No longer seeing the Psychaitrist, but still seeing the Therapist.

Now, my world has been turned upside down.

I found a lump in my breast.

Great news for someone who has ALOT of breast cancer in my family. my grandmother has had it, along with several of her sisters. JOY for me! go for an ultrasound on friday. I'm sure it's cancer. Its soemthing i've always been terrified of, and now it's come and slapped me in the face. So i've decided to live it up as much as possible. Hey we are all going to die right? so fuck it, i'm going to die having had as much fun as possible.

Logically of course, i know that it might not be anything more than a cyst. But in my heart of hearts, i'm sure it's cancer.

It's thrown everything on the back burner. Suddenly everything seems insignificant. So hell, if i want to do drugs, I will.. if i want to drink.. i will!

I guess i know that even if this time it comes back as negative, and its something benign, i'm just a ticking bomb.

The lack of support on DT has been overwhelming. Thanks….

When life gives you lemons….