hey everyone

i haven't been on here for so long….

i just felt like writing a blog because im feeling really low for loads of reasons. Basically over the summer i went to this Christian camp and became a proper Christian which helped my ocd so much it was actually unreal at first, because it was like "oh well if god controls everything then i don't need to do any ocd stuff in order to have a good day" and everything seemed great etc. But then i started to get really depressed. im not sure what started it off, probably the weather, i guess. But it got SO much worse when i went on holiday with my family and cousin. Firstly, my 13 year old cousin had a string of boyfriends at this time, which literally made me so embarassed and upset because me, being the eldest of the family and nearly 17, has never had a boyfriend. Then a few weeks later i went to my other cousin's 18th party and both my 14 year old sister and my cousin got pulled by loads of guys right in front of me…. which as u can imagine was not very encouraging!

And all this time i was having the piss taken out of me by my non-christian family and friends for my beliefs. Im still trying to be christian, i mean i still study the bible, but my now shaky faith in what seemed to me a solid, loving God has caused my ocd to creep back into my life. I mean, this must sound absolutely ridiculous, because of course there are more things in life than boyfriends and what other people think, its just right now its so hard to see a way out- i keep on looking to God but there just seems to be no answer. I'm not asking for a full counselling session or even anyone to read this, but if there are any christian ocd-ers out there, i would apprieciate a few words of advice. thanks to anyone who bothered to read this, and i hope everyone who i spoke to last time i was online is well 🙂