The actual wording, "down in the dirt with my OCD," is a quote taken from a participant that Dr. Jeffrey Schartz talks about in his book, Brain Lock.

If you haven't read this book, get it ASAP.

It was a life line for me. 10 years ago, I had tried every kind of medication–Prozac, Anafronil, Zoloft, and what have you, but the side effects were too severe. My psychiatrist said he couldn't do anything for me. Then I came across Brain Lock with its 4 self-directed therapy steps.

It took me 2 years before I felt well enough to begin an OCD support group through my church.

My OCD takes two forms–kind of weird and off the beaten track, so to speak. One, I can get super sensitive to sounds and other distractions when I eat: I've had 2 abdominal surgeries that removed much of my colon and if I'm not relaxed when I eat I suffer a lot of discomfort for hours afterwards. It seems that monstrous OCD takes fiendish delight in finding where we are most vulnerable.

Two, I'm a control freak of sorts. I say, of sorts, because I'm O.K. with everyone except my wife. I fixate on something she does–she is a very expressive and classy woman–to make herself beautiful, such as the rings she wears or the color she chooses for her finger nails.

The hell I've put her through and the hell I've made for myself!

Well, no more! I'm keeping my mouth shut. In fact, I've told her I want her just as she is, expressive and beautiful.

Talk about anxiety levels going through the roof! And about OCD meltdowns!

But today, my brain "unlocked." I feel great and accepting of my wife. What tomorrow holds, I don't know. I'll take it a day at a time.

For the last 10 years, I've been recording behaviors that I do that I have found helpful. These come under Schwartz's Step 3, REFOCUS. Here are three:

1. Keep making mental notes, "This isn't me, it's my OCD."

2. It's not how I feel that counts, it's what I do.

3. Changing my behavior changes how my brain works–that's been scientifically verified through PET scans of the brains of those who have changed their behavior and had those scans compared to those who took meds.

Enough for now. More to come.


  1. OCDKara 14 years ago

    Thank you for posting this!!

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  2. Sany27 14 years ago

    Yes, thank you for that. It's good to hear you finally can enjoy your life and have a happy marriage after years of suffering. I will sure get that book.

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