My family is falling a part and I don't know hot to stay afloat and save us anymore. At a loss to the next step other than packing up my children and leaving the only home they have ever known because their father continues to refuse any form of treatment for his out of control OCD. I have spent 16 yrs with this man and I feel forced to leave and find a "Normal" life. Not only for myself but especially for my children who I feel suffer daily from their fathers OCD. I have begged, pleaded and even pretty much forced him to get treatment. After 10 yrs of living with him I gave him an ultimatum, get help or we are gone. I gave him one week to see a Dr. and get a diagnosis and get help. After packing our bags and going to a hotel, he finally went. The medication was switched a few times, sometimes I thought he was worse then better then worse. Finally after finding the right medication Luvox we started to see changes. That is until his employer told him he could not take the medication and run heavy equiptment…Of course…He stopped the medication. Another yr passes, things get worse, I beg him to go to even a hypnotist, cognitive behavioral therapist, a homeopath..ANYTHING!! My family began to fall apart again. Now, 16 yrs later I have a teenage son and an 8 yr old. We are suffering, it feels like abuse, it feels like we live with an alcoholic with no alcohol involved. We can't breathe right, can't do anything right, no one dares to touch anything, move anything or even speak most of the time. If we move an object we are belittled, he goes on and on for hours over even a screwdriver out of place. Keys aren't lying right, tv remote not placed where he wants it. He has resorted to putting a lock on the bedroom door, placing all his items in a fire box locked hiding the key, has even done so with the checkbook so I can't pay the bills. Last night it was the lines on the lawn after mowing weren't straight..He belittled me for 3 hours because I didn't mow the lawn right. Can't take it anymore, I feel like our relationship is beyond repair, I sleep in a seperate bedroom for he keeps me awake all night checking doors, windows, alarm clock, phones. He wakes up my children to see if they are breathing, opens and closes the microwave 10x at 2am…This is torture…The sad reality of it is that it doesn't have to be torture….If he'd only get the help he needs!

2 Comments
  1. coffeedad 11 years ago

     First off, I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this.  OCD is a real bitch, and it sounds like he has it pretty good.  I'm sure you'll see a flood of responses below me saying the same thing, but it's absolutely absurd that your husband's employer "told him he could not take the medication".  Luvox is an SSRI and I find it hard to believe they would even have a leg to stand on if push came to shove with that argument.  To me, it sounds like your husband's case is rather severe; and trying to tackle that without proper medication is a recipe for disaster.  There's a good chance he will actually worsen from the stress rather than heal.  He desperately needs to be on medication, and Luvox is the go to drug for OCD'ers.  Granted, he could move to tricyclics/SNRI; other SSRIs, benzos but every class has side effects, and one of the side effects is always drowsiness…   His employer needs to dislodge their collective head from their arse.  It sounds like the alternative would be his going out on disability, which will only help for the time he is on the meds.

    For you, all I can say is that you've been with him long enough to know the difference between him and his OCD.  Im sure buried somewhere in there is a great guy who loves you and your children very much.  It's damn near impossible to stay focused on that through this, but please try.  At the end of the day though, you need do what's best for you and your children.  I do not envy your position.   Please do keep us all posted on how things go, and absolutely use us all as resources for information or simply to vent if that's what you need.

    Best of luck,

    Bill

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  2. dawne75 11 years ago

    Update:  Finally had enough. Realtor called. House going up for sale. Taking my portion to start over with the children. Unfortunately there are those whom suffer from OCD who choose to let their illness rule their life and lose their family in the process.

    Refused to call a therapist who took appointments until 7pm and weekends as well. Refused to even look at the paperwork.

    My boys and I will do great, we will be fine, we will have peace and will no longer suffer the abuse that his OCD inflicts.

    I pray that those out there who have untreated OCD will read this and that it may touch them to get the help they need.

    I lived for 16+ yrs being told, "It isn't his fault!"  Well I am sorry but everyone whom said that to me is wrong.

    If you know you have a problem, you know their is treatment for your problem and you refuse to utilize the help offered to you for your problem….It is your fault…End of story.

    Life will be better not being verbally abused daily. Who gives a damn if the house nozzle doesn't lie over the top of the hose carrier jsut right? Not me! Who cares if the lines on the lawn aren't perfectly straight? Not me! Who cares if the keys aren't spread into a rainbow, flat on the table? NOT ME!

    I'm sorry to those whom suffer from such a debilitating illness but if you refuse to get help, refuse to utilize the help offered and you choose to lose your family in the process…I feel sorry for you.

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