Three years later, alot had changed. Things didn't work out in that relationship and I moved back home. Got a job again working as an aide on a head start bus and on a handicap bus. By then I was pretty depressed, over things not working out, having to move back in with the parents, and I'm not knocking the job, but it wasn't really the type of job I wanted to do. Though I wasn't even sure what that was anymore. Over the next four years, my life was work, sleep, and internet. in 2004, I was laid off, they were cutting back on aides and I was one of the unlucky ones. I tried getting other jobs, but couldn't last more than a few days because the anxiety had finally kicked my butt. The thought of working near anyone gave me panic attacks. I would get up dreading the day, holding back the tears. Then get home and cry and try to calm down from the day. I was really depressed and having panic attacks pretty much daily, though at the time I didn't know that was what they were. So, I finally gave up. The next couple years I pretty much kept to myself. I never went out unless absolutely necessary. My time was spent crying in bed or doing something on the computer to try to distract myself for a little while.
I started therapy in August of 2006. Which has lead me to where I am now. I was diagnosed with social phobia / depression, and take Lexapro for it. The crying everyday has stopped, and my panic attacks are waaay down, but I still have them from time to time. But there is still alot of work to be done to beat this.
So that is a quick summary of things up to this point. I left out alot of stuff that I will most likely fill in as I go.