I have an obsession with my body I guess you could say thats its an unhealthy obsession I read all the labels of everything I eat and am really strict on my calories I also workout at least 3 times a day and my psychologist and counselor both say that I have a mild eating disorder but I dont think thats exactly the words I would use to describe my eating habits.  But I went to see my counselor today and for the whole hour we talked about how I feel about my body I’m 5’1" and 121 lbs. so she says im in a healthy range still but im very unhappy with it i have a little stomach and the tops of my thighs touch so i get very angry when i see myself in the mirror and I cant figure out why I’m not getting thinner I  made a deal today with my counselor  that I would only workout 2hrs. a day max. and eat at least 1,200 cal. and I agreed that i would at least try but that is proving to be a very hard task especially after the news I got today when I got home I had a message from my best friend nessa to call her right away and when I did she informed me that this one girl I used to be friends with in high school(that I had actually seen the other day at a drag race) came up to her today and asked if i was pregnant which totally threw my friend off because that was the weirdest question to get and when she told her I’m not and asked the girl why she just goes "o well she just looks like shes pregant" and when my friend told me about this I just absolutely went off the deep end i was angry at her for having the audacity to judge me that way and I am angry at myself for still being such a lard I immediately went and worked out for what had  to be at least an hour now I dont believe that im so big that I looked pregnant so i know thats absurd but it really bothers me that im big enough that people could even possibly come to that assumption I have wanted to break down into tears several times today I just dont know what to do it just makes me hate myself even more.

2 Comments
  1. Adrean 13 years ago

    The girl who made a comment at the possibility of you being pregnant is ridiculous. Usually when someone makes a negative comment it is because they find that flaw within themself.  I am 5’5 and about 150 pounds. I kind of understand where you are coming from in the sense that I’m not large but there are enough flaws to mess with my head. It’s all about perception. Recently I have learned that most people could care less if you have a few extra pounds and sometimes it is preferred. Some cultures adore it but you should definitely remain at a healthy weight. I know these words may or may not help.. but don’t cave into the superficial ways of society.

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  2. buffster 13 years ago

    \..I am honestly not intending to alarm you..however you sound borderline anorexic to me..& I speak from experience..I was a short fat awkward kid until I went out for wrestling in high school..as you well know "grapplers" cut weight 2 make weight-class..it began that way for me..however when people began commenting how "good" I was looking I didn’t want it 2 stop..& I *like you* judged every lil bump & curve on my body in the mirror as being fat & undisciplined..in the end I ended up 92 lbs & a walking skeleton who nearly died from starvation related conditions..I’m ‘not saying this will happen to  u..however please be sure to look for the signs as your counselor does to make sure u don’t go down this same life altering path..good luck..\

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