Lately I’ve been going through days aimlessly.

No real purpose besides getting through the day to go home to do meaningless things.

I get way too anxious to talk to people first and the kids at my school aren’t like me.

None of them will make the first move.

I also move too much to count.

Neither one of my parents can hold a job it seems.

Or maybe rent is just too much sometimes.

So whenever I have actually been able to make friends, I’m ripped from them

I’m also not doing very well in school because of the moving around .

I’m 18.

A senior.

I’m supposed to be getting ready for prom.

I’m supposed to be preparing for graduation to be in two months.

I should be happy.

But I’m not.

Instead I’m here, stuck in some continuation school hoping to graduate by the end of the year.

No prom.

No graduating with friends.

Not even a job.

I need to find a purpose or I might explode.

What’s sad is I can’t even go to my parents and tell them all this.

Because then I’d have to explain to them that I blame them..

I can’t help it.

I can’t go to family.

Most of them are so quick to judge.

My old friends don’t check up on me very often.

It makes it harder.

I used to be there in their worst times, offering support.

It seems like they’ve forgotten already.

I’m filled with so much hate.

For myself.

For others.

Mostly myself.

For not being able to make friends.

For having chosen the wrong ones in the past.

For my looks.

For my weight.

For being incapable of getting a job.

For so much more than I can explain.

I’m hoping this helps me figure things out.

Get things off my chest.

Telling people my story.

How I really feel behind the facade of being fine.