2 1/2 months ago I went through a major life change.   boyfriend at the time decided to just drop me off the face off the earth because he didn't want a long term/serious relationship.  Any sort of social circle I had was through him.  Originally from the midwest, now living in Maine I have no network of friends of any sort.  Moving was the biggest thing, away from some people I got to know, but not on a deeper level like those who know me back home.  Its not easy for me to go out and just present myself to people, especially society does (bars, clubs, etc) its just not my style.  I got a new job in Westbrook, which is why I moved from Wiscasset to Cape Elizabeth.  i was living up in Wiscasset but had to give that job up because of a bad back.  My medical problems will be my demise… if its not one thing its another and it just sucks when I try to take care of myself it goes back to being shit again.  I've tried to do anything and everything I can for people who were close to me, especially him,  but I guess that didn't matter now did and 8 months of hard work, effort, devotion, etc went for nothing, and Im left with absolutely nothing.  The only things I have going for me is a job and a place to live.  No health insurance though, which sucks cause having asthma, allergies, a bad back, depression, and a couple other things just flat out suck, and not having anyone to go to to talk about anything or having someoene to check on you to make sure your doing ok just sucks too.  I don't feel a purpose for anything anymore, and its hard to get out of bed, and hard enough to sleep.   Big drama issues are going on at work, and I have to fire some employees and not ever having to do that before is hard.  I tried the whole craigslist thing to find people, but as always no one is really looking or dedicated as they say they are.  If they were I would at least keep hearing back from these people, but whatever.. people are so judgemental and one thing wrong they leave you to the wolves.  I want and have tried to do what is considered the right thing.  Im wiling to put an arm and leg out there for people but I just get shit on in the end… what am I doing wrong?!  What did I do to deserve being treated like this? and the facebook bullshit just to piss me off?  Why??  I dont understand?  Why am I being singled out?  Why can't I catch a break?  I was happy, then it was taken away, but why? how do I cope with everything I worked for going to shit again?  Im tired of always being in the shit.. seems like all I get is the shit.   I want to feel happy again, enjoy life.  Having no health ins makes it impossible to see a shrink or whatever cause I cant afford one out of pocket,  state wont give me help  because I make too much according to their requirements, so how am I even supposed to get help?  The whole freakin system is flawed, its why the economy sucks.    Everything sucks.. at least im not an alcoholic or druggie.. thigns could be worse, but I feel like the lowest shit anyway so what does it matter…     what would really be nice is to be accredited for the things I do and go out of my way to do,  no one really sees those cause its basic stuff, but to me its more than just that,  but everyone is too busy to take a minute out of their time to see something like that and for what someoen is really worth,  or have "better" things to do… Im tired of being in pain, physical, emotional… but I dont know where to go or what to do when help cant be given to me because of our stupid government or thigns beyond my control, when people who say are friends wont give me the time or day.. yea so much for being a friend….. what am I supposed to do?

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