So here it is, the last day of class. YAY!
two days of finals and then it ll all be done , cant wait. but at the same time dont really care.so i finished another semester in college, who cares? im so anxious about going to university. and cant apply yet, and when i do apply i wont hear back from them till APRIL 2012. this is TORTURE to me.
this morning i went to class and after my first one ( speech) i usually wait for my bf and then we walk to the next calss together. this morning i really didnt feel like seeing him . so i walked away. feeling nothing. at all.
then he txt me this afternoon asking if i was still alive i dont know what to do . when im with him i feel gtood, i feel i love him , that i really want to be with him. but when i dont see him for a while,i just feel i want to be alone, that i dont love him and that i should just break uo with him. what do i do?? im afraid the moment i ll break up with him i ll regret it, and im afraid if i dont break up with him i ll start being really mean to him.
Why do I have to be in this stupid situatioN?
any suggestions are welcome
if this wasnt enough to keep my mind occupied , i recently had a fight with my dad. he lives in italy, i havent seen him in 5 months and we talk on skype almost everyday. a few days ago he started gettin on my nerves, as usual and i just want him to miss me and to be happy that im comin home soon. but i hung up on him and never answered back. he s been tryin to talk to me since then but i dont want to. why am i so mean? why cant i just let it go ad stop being so stubborn?
I just keep cryin for no reason, i feel stuck in a lace in my life where i relally didnt want to be in , and i dont mean phisically i mean state of mind. everything that is happening around me is just wrong and im wrong. im just so wrong.
i dont even read anymore… thats sad cuz normally i would dive into a book and re-emerge from it only once finished. now i try to read and my headache starts right away. so i just watch tv, sittin on the couch like a vegetable being able to do nothing but be passive, it s a miracle im doing well at school. just cuz i force myself, UCLA has to accept me. only reason.
i need motivation, i need someone to listen to me , to hug me when i cry, to tell me how much im loved and how i am doing the right thing but no one does it. so it's just loud noises in my thoughts.