I'm trying really really hard to refrain from complaining. I've spent enough of my life feeling sorry for myself. At the same time I am kinda frustrated right now. It's basically about the college classes. I'm taking three right now, and then I have three after and I get my degree. The only thing is that I'm finding it super hard to to well at this point. I just can't concentrate. I can't retain information right now. I read, and re-read and re-read and I'm just not doing as well as I usually do. Partly from the stress factors in my life, partly from my mental health issues, and mostly because I'm just tired of doing it. I've always been the type of person who has to be the best at everything. That's just me. I was born that way. So my current life of being scared to get in the damn car and drive myself around is really, really pissing me off. It's really making me feel degraded, and the ironic thing is that the only thing stopping me, IS ME! Never would I have guessed that my weakest link would be myself. I can fix other people. I fix almost anything, but notmyself. That's the crazy thing. I know full well that my grades are dropping, and I know it's because I'm not putting the thought into my work like I should be. And as much as I hate to admit this, it's simply because I don't care. As long as I pass the classes (as my final grade) I don't care if my weekly work falls short. Something is better than nothing, and I do try. I always turn something in, and I try to make it decent at the least. I'm just not feeling it anymore. I can't retain the information long enough to write a well thought out paper. The instructors fail to realize that I have actual issues that affect my ability, mixed with real-life issues that are more serious than the work, and everything mixed together makes for a less than perfect paper. That's life. I'm disappointed in myself slightly, but I know that at least I've tried. And just to add something positive in here, I'm finally getting my eating habits back in order, and am feeling much healthier all around. I'm working back into a healthy exercise routine, and my mood has been pretty good. My anxiety still acts up, but the hypnosis keeps it down a great deal. So all-in-all I'm not too bad. It really comes down to a mindset. We choose how we feel-honestly. Choose to be happy. Pretend that you're happy. I guarantee you'll start feeling happy. Let the negativity leave. What good is it doing you?

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