Ok, doing better today mentally. I want to thank those of you who responded for your empathy and reassurance that this would pass. And for the kick in the butt I received from one of you, lol.

Yesterday was bad. Very bad. I was SO sick that I finally had to call myhusband at work and I just broke down sobbing because I couldn't take it anymore. He wanted me to go back to the doctor, but I didn't want to. I told him the only way I would agree to go is if he took me…I was afraid they would hospitalize me. So we ended up at the Mima Clinic/hospital around 2 p.m. ~ I told them everything that was going on. The past 3 days I had developed pain in my right side that was painful to touch the area. My fever hadn't gone away, and the nausea and such were only getting worse. They took blood, urine samples, and sent me for a CT scan because they were concerned that I had a gallbladder problem or something along those lines. Thankfully the CT came back clean. I'm still waiting on the blood test results. They put me on anti-nausea medication so that I could eat and drink, and then told me that I had rotovirus ~ a stomach bug that can take weeks to run it's course. Since it's a virus there's nothing I can do but wait it out. Unless of course they find something wrong with my blood samples ~ then it may be another story.

We got home a little after 4 p.m. and I immediatelylaid down andwent to sleep. Aaron went and got more Gatorade and chicken broth and some cup-o-noodles that were very mild. So back to the BRAT diet I go, whoopee!

I wasvery impressed last nightbecause I managed to keep down my dinner. That's a first in awhile now. And the nausea from it wasn't crippling like it has been. So I managed to sleep better than I have in the pastcouple of weeks.

Today I got up at 6 a.m. again to get Zach ready for school, and as usual I cameout onto the porch to have my coffee and a cigarette. But when I opened the cigarette box something heavy fell out into my hand~ and I realized it wasa ring! For my birthday Aaron had my favorite ring fixed ~ one of the stones had fallen out years ago and we hadn't had the money to replaceit. It made me so happy because it was such a thoughtful gift. He knew how important that ring was to me. 🙂

I plan to spend the day mostly resting, but also vaccuming and minor cleaning. Still SO tired.

I talked to Zach's bus driver this morning about the kid who's been picking on him and his friend. I was assured it would be taken care of. I hope so, I don't want to have to take this any further, although I really think a phone call or a note home to his parents from the principal about his behavior would be a good thing.

As usual it's hot, but what can I expect for late August? As a birthday present I'm hoping forsome rain, lol.It always seems to rain on my birthday. Another cool thing is that my birthday falls on thesame night as a Blue Moon! So the moon will be full andthe outdoors will be filled with sparkling silver light. I love full moons.

I have to go by my work today to pick up my check and my schedule. I really hope they haven't scheduled me at all this week ~ I need time to recuperate. I doubt I'm on the schedule anyhow because I only offered 3 days and they were daytime hours, not nights. If they don't like it, too bad. I almost feel like they're trying to MAKE me quit by giving me so little hours…they're afraid if they fire me I'll bring a lawsuit against the company for firing me due to my Bipolar Illness. I wouldn't do that. I'd just say 'screw it' and move on. But maybe Aaron's right ~ they could find any reason to fire me that they wanted to. If they wanted me gone I would be gone.

My Mom's in a bad mood today. She looks like hell ~ I don't think she slept much last night. I feel bad for her. Hopefully her day will get better.

I made myself find 2 things that I did know I enjoyed and were a part of my life besides being a wife and mother. I love the outdoors and animals, and I love singing to my music in the car. I guess that's actually 3 isn't it?

I'm going to continue to write down things that I enjoy and keep it in a journal so I can add to it to remind myself of who I am when I start feeling that way again. I know there's something out there waiting for me to find it, I just have to keep searching. I've even thought about becoming an advocate speaker about Bipolar Disorder and Mental Illness in general and all the misconceptions about it. Maybe I'll make that a goal.

I hope you all have a good day. My biggest disappointment today? That I can't eat birthday cake!