many could say I’m lucky and many more wish to be in my situation

to have air conditioning to have a warm bed to eat everyday and to be able to go to school. though all I want is to have never been born in this place with things I did not ask for with people I believe I love on a planet that I did not know of until I was told about and from there spawns everysort of feeling one could think of and of ones that I have no  idea how to process or understand and kills me every single time I do and yet I feel that nothing matters and nothing I do will ever amount to anything no matter what I do and it makes it hard to feel anything and when I do its because of another person none of my feelings are my own no matter what.

I love my cats and the brush I brush they’re hair with I hate to think of the day when they slowly stop being there one by one. I love them for they have no idea of what life is outside of this house and the life they give me, is the only kind that they will understand and sure I might  try my best for them but anything outside of that  just bill means watch as I leave for I cannot stand being alive though they are still here and so am I so I have no reason to not be here all I have to do is to be with them and wait as time creeps along so painfully slow but as soon as you stop thinking about it its been days and you cant bring yourself to eat or shower.

so even if it kills me I will do everything I can for them if it means I can make them happy and see them grow as I am there until they fade into the sands of time where they will always live even if this plain cannot bring them life again I will insure they will never be forgotten by me, Even If It Kills Me.

even if they will never know any more then what they are given that is okay they will never understand my anguish and as a result never pity me what more could I ask from a cat other than to be nice to each other while time is slow and while everything is okay for I would rather give them my all even if I cant give my all to myself and for that I am forever grateful just as I am grateful for my cats

so am I really happy? or is that what life is about smelling the flowers as they die along side you.. what will I say as time robs my soul of love and compassion when I am robbed of the few beings that bring so much emotion and life into my soul?

I will say thank you for showing me life is more then it will ever seem and thank you for staying as long as you could I don’t think I could ever do it without you

-w