While I was riding in the car with my mom today, we discussed some happenings we discovered on myspace about my ex. He is really being a jerk and bad-mouthing me to his friends and what not. Although I was the one who did everything in my power to make him happy and to please him sometimes neglecting my own feelings and thoughts this naturally lead the draining thoughts of hatred towards him to return. Then I started thinking that someone who doesn’t appreciate me isn’t worth my time fretting, stressing or even being depressed about. I got to wondering why are there people like that in this world. Why are there people who seem driven to hurt you and bring you down? I realized there is evil, hatred, sadness and disappointment in this world to teach us all a life lesson. You can never have a storm without the sun waiting behind the clouds. You can never win if you haven’t failed before. You can never love if you haven’t felt what it’s like to lose someone before.

There is evil in this world to make us realize what it’s like for some good to happen. There is hatred in this world so we know the difference between love and hate. There are disappointing moments in this world so we can cherish the times when we succeed. There is sadness and tears so we can forever save the moments of happiness and laughter. Without negativity there can never be something positive, we would then not be able to identify what it’s like to have a bright shining moment. If the Wright brothers didn’t fail their first few hundred times with the airplane models they would never know how to make things right. If Sammy Sosa hadn’t struck out he wouldn’t know the difference between a high fastball and a hanging curve ball to swing at the right moments. If we had never lost a jerk in our lives then we would never have met the beautiful people that grace us with their wonderful presence to begin with. If Anthony hadn’t broken up with me I wouldn’t have made friends with more than half of the Texas League!!

My point is, if we never experienced bad times in our lives, we would never be able to identfiy the wonderful times and cherish them in our hearts. If I had never moved from my spot behind the Missions bullpen I might never have realized what I really feel towards Chad. I realized this last night. Yes, I can befriend every Tom, Dick and Harry in the minor leagues and date half of them but no one would ever replace what I feel for Chad. No one could ever make me smile like he does. When he smiled at me last night, I felt as if my world had been lifted up into the heavens and the sun was shining through the dark clouds hanging over San Antonio right now. If I had never experienced the loss of Anthony then I might never have known what this happiness that Chad brings to me felt like. Everything would be totally different. So let this be an enlightenment when anyone is sad, depressed or disappointed. Don’t give up, don’t think "this is the end" for me. Because every failure, every tear, every sob is only the beginning to happier endings. Have a Great Weekend.


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