It seems like some of my problems stem right from childhood. A problem of concentration. I always had problems with math. Even though I am good at it, I suffered horrible headaches from doing my homework. Not migraines, but intense enough that they would last all night.

I still suffer from it. It would explain a lot of things. I find it takes me longer to do anything. It has been that way all my life. I have had to work harder than most just to keep up. The last three years that I was in school I never finished. It was just too much. So I get labeled as stupid or fool.

The dysthymia makes it that much worse as I get depressed so easily and tend to give up from being overwhelmed and mistreated. I hate it. No one seems to understand just how I feel and just what happens to get me to this point. I have doctors who say they know me after a few sessions which last maybe half an hour, but they aren’t any good at treating me. How can they say that they know me?

I am pretty close to giving up completely. I hate being named, but untreated. Certain medications only last so long, but at the same time the side effects cause even more concentration problems just causing more misunderstanding and more depression for me.

As I have said before it is not getting better, only worse. The time between moments of Major depressive episodes is getting shorter and more intense. Of course, I don’t have to concentrate as hard when I am not writing or reading. When I am though it is horrible. Especially when I am studying. I feel like I am screwed. I feel like even though I have been diagnosed there is still something left undone. It is beyond frustrating.

 

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