I just wrote in my other blog, but not so much about my anxiety, so I don't feel much better. I guess I'll write more here about my anxiety. Right now I have high anxiety, I woke up this way. I hate waking up with anxiety, it scares me so much. Trying to relax/distract myself so it won't go into panic attack. Last night I had 2 bad panic attacks. One was really bad. I went out on the balcony with my husband while he was smoking and within 2 minutes of being out there panic came over me and I had to go in. I went in my room, sat on my bed, clutching onto the blankets for dear life. My husband, Dan, came in and sat next to me. At this point I was breathing weird, even holding my breath without realizing it, shaking like crazy, my whole body was locked up and tense, sweating, I was literally frozen with fear. I grabbed onto Dans hand and gave him a look like 'save me'. He practiced breathing with me while I was still holding on to him and the bed like if I didn't I'd fall over and die. For some reason holding on to those things were safer than not. He layed me down on my side and sat next to me breathing with me and rubbing my temples. Surprisingly, I started to stop shaking as much and breathing better. It took another 15 minutes or so before I calmed down and was just purely exhausted from it. So now I wake up and have anxiety. I can't handle another panic attack, I hope this goes away. Yea who am I kidding though, I'd be surprised if it went away. I always have anxiety and am on edge. My mind is always racing. I'm going to try to get up and walk around the apartment and see if that helps. Please please let me be okay. Living like this is exhausting.