During the past week I experienced the most shocking , most dissapointing and most of all hurtfull news ever. My 3yr boyfriend told me he wanted to breakup because he had cheated on me. that He had changed into such a bed person he did not think that he would ever make me happy again. Well I knew that things had changed, that things had not been good for some time but I loved him. I even told him I forgave him. that all I wanted was to work thngs out. But no. He just could not hear of it.

I had to cry it out. I cried a lot. But im a surviver. ive survived rape why wouldnt i survive this. Im young beautifull and intelligent, ofcause i will find love again! And so i met this very goodlooking and funny guy at work on saturday. We spoke. Just casualy. I had my eye on him the munite he walked into my shop. I kept stealing glances at him even.

He gave me a call on monday. And we have been talking since then. I havent seen him again becasue he's out of town. Hes so sweet, so nice, and caring. But you know, being HIV positive means the same thing over and over whenever you meet someone…telling them about your status. Ive tried so many times to go around this in trying to make it easier for me and for the listener, but I havent been able to. I dont even know the right time after meeting someone…sometimes I prolong getting intimate with someone…at times ive even convinced myself that its better to stay single. but i get men asking me out all the time. it was easier when i knew i had a stable boyfriend.now that im single its gona be harder avoiding being involved.

Im feeling so attracted to this man. we have such a connection. but Im afraid of rejection. How will he take these news? his beautiful girlfreind is sick. The other complication is that he told me he is involved in a comlicated realtionship. I fear that this connection will just die immediately and i will be left with a broken heart yet again. I know all you friends out there have gone through this. I I wish to get advice on how to go about this. I have no close frinds and neither are my sister close with me so I realy have no one to talk to about all these challenges, fears etc.

Im liking this man a lot but I am also tired of pushing people away becasue of my illness and the fear of rejection. I want to overcome it and live my life fully. i want to be loved and accepted too.

  1. Romeo 12 years ago

     My first concern is that this new guy is in a "complicated" relationship. It has always been my opinion that life should  be taken one relationship at a time. In dating negative people obviously you should tell them before anything intimate – I usually waited till a second official date. A first date is hard enough & after two dates sometimes women get upset you waited so long to tell them. However, when to tell is different for everyone as long as you actually do it. Good Luck – B 

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  2. mthikazi 12 years ago

    thanks a lot guys…u are all just clarifying to me the same things i keep going over in my heard…like him going for me whislt still involved…and whether i should tell him now over the phone or wait till i see him…or whether to cut all ties now before the attahcemenet is even stronger…


    thing is, i have mananged to keep men at arms length but with this one its kind of hard…i like him so much yet i havent even spent a day with him its all over the phone. im worried what may happen when we meet. and im getting that he likes me too cause he calls often.  its gonna hurt telling him and he rejects me either way. whether its now or later…


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  3. mthikazi 12 years ago

    well guys…i hear you …but im an impatient person…and i live on total openness and honesty.  Im realy not good in hidding or not telling something when i feel im forming an attachement with someone.  I usualy think its best to let things out in the open at first hand…ofcouse I first obsreve and analys the persons character. At times i dont even let things to go any further once i realise the kind of person im dealing with.

    So yesterday i took some of your suggestions and told the guy about my status.  however i first had to be clear what his intentions were and whether i could trust him because even if he decided he could not be with me, he still had to keep all thoise details secrete.  To my suprise, and i hope he was being honest and truthfull.  he told me he has serious intentions about me and that we cannot foresee the future.  i realised it would be unfare to close this door to possible happines for my self by holding his complicated relationship against him.  I trust he will sort things out and its only been a few days i cant expect him to fix everything now.  but to me it was most important to start things on a clean slate.  he told me his feelings have not changed even if i have HIV.  his intensions have not changed.  He understands .  and he thanked me for my honesty saying many would not have been able to.  especialy in south africa, in our communities, people are still in such denial about their statuses, yes the rate of people who test is increasing but the rate of people speaking out and doing the right thing once they know is not realy moving.

    people are educated enough, the remain ignorant, stigmatise, judge and continue believing it wouldnt hapen to them.

    so this time im letting go of the rules, ive lawys done things by the rules, im attracted to him, in a way i havent to a man i a very long time and i will just trust what he says and hope that what weve started stands a chance.

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