Sitting in comfortable solitude on Xmas day after a charity turkey meal. Feeling full of gratitude and joy.

Reflecting on 12 years pos. In many ways HIV saved my life. I had been a big shot in the oil business – functional alcoholic and sex addict. Full of ego, agression, fear – concerned about image, salary and power.

A month after diagonis I was fired – a month later my GF left with my best drinking buddy. A month later I hooked up with a lovely crackhead and was quickly totally addicted.

Within a few years I had smoked a few hundred K$ worth of crack and was bankrupt – finacially, morally, physically and spiritually – I was offically homeless for the first time on my life. I was at my bottom. (somehow my virus remained undetectable)

That is where I found recovery (or it found me). I didnt have a sudden lightning bolt but my recovery grew gradually – now i have 3 years of solid sobriety (6 crack free) and I have found a great new life. Now I give more instead of taking everything. I produce an annual music fest and manage a small museum. Our mission is to deliver happiness. In that endevour happiness has come to me.

I sponsor 3 recovering addicts-alcoholics. have 3 cats, a modest house, a fast car (my one indulgence) and have started a relationship with the woman of my dreams. Probably the biggest thing is a relationship with a higher power (of my understanding). It is like a fairytale, almost to good to be true. But it is my new life – completely different than the insanity I was pursueing..

For anyone suffering today – there is hope. If you are addicted – get help. Booze and drugs will blocck everything you deserve. And you desrve a good life. Metta – Brent

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