Hello my fellow anxiety sufferers.
Life has been busy. I've finished my manuscript for my novel and have submitted my first query letter to a literary agent from "Writer's House". Eek! It's a huge step for me. I've been writing mostly poetry since I could hold a pen, so writing an actual young adult/fantasy novel is never something that I thought I was capable of. But I did it!
Oh, but let me tell you – writing and sending the query letter was absolutely no easy task and I literally had a panic attack when I sent it to the agent. I'm scared of rejection of course, however I think the idea of success is ever scarier. Even though I want it so bad with literally everything in me, I find myself asking constantly, "What if you do it Bonny? What if your dream comes true and all of the hours of writing pay off?" See, that scares the shit out of me.
It's absolutely insane. It's that "big black blob" that lives inside of me, its name is anxiety and it wants to take away my confidence, it wants to destroy any ounce of hope that I have to live my dream. To be a writer, something I have dreamed about since I was a little girl.
See, that's when I have to dig down really, really deep and tell the "big black blob" to fuck off – to defeat it. And, that is exactly what I'm going to do. I was blessed with optimism, that is stronger than the "big black blob".
Anyways, my friends – I am going to further torture myself by sending out some more queries and work on my new project.
I hope each and every one of you have a fantastic day, hold your heads up and lets trudge through this beautiful life.