so, i was with my girlfriend last weekend. and it felt wrong, well, everything did. anxiety wrong, that is. now this is normal i guess, everything feels not oright and freaking out about it, a normal ocd/anxiety thing. except, im scared my gf, since she felt wrong to me to my head the last few times, will always feelw rong every single time im with her. this obsession is ruling me. im beyond afraid now, its become real, like i think these meds are confusing me too, so i feel so confused and distant, every time i think of her it feels wrong, and it feels like my mind has stolen my gf from me, and thats my obsession and worst fear, that my mind will make my gf not feel like her forever and therfor take her away from me. it feels like it came true. im scared itll never go away. i miss my baby and im sad because what if it never feels right again. ik the what if is just ocd but im sorry. i cant live with this uncertainty, and aside from that the anxiety and confusion im feeling is beyondd overwhelming. i just wanna die. i lost the girl i loved to my head, probably forever, im scared itll never give her back cuz im so confused and out of it i cant even remember how it felt right and how she normally felt, and all the good times we had, they dont matter cuz ill never be able to have them again because ocd and anxiety took my baby away from me. i sound so friggin crazy but i swear im not. im just so done. i cant handle this and i refuse to give up on her even though i cant tell left from right anymore. i told her id never leave her and i would never give up on her and i meant it. i still love her very much and care about her even though she doesnt even feel like her ik she still is her. but these thoughts run through my head, like what if i have to break up with her, and i dont wanna do that just because i have to cuz of ocd, i dont want to. but i feel like its too late, shes never gonna feel liek her to me again cuz ocd took her and im so confused and frustrated i just dont know what to do. i need a new brain, im so sad and upset and words cant even describe how im feeling or how angry i am to have lost her to my head. i knew this would happen, my ocd takes away everything i lvoe and care about, everything. i still havent gotten over an obsession from months ago that ruined music for me. it doesnt even matter anymore, the only thing keepign me alive is the fact that other people need me alive, but hell, i dont wanan be here, nbothing can help me on this planet and ocd just too kaway the one thing that truly maattered to me. so what do i do about it? idk, and im afraid because my babe is gone and has been taken by my head. god bless my gf though, going through her own shit, and still being unbderstanding and sticking with my crazy ass. ive been trying to help her the best i can too but because she doesnt feel like her and i cant even think straight i feel like im lying and i dont love her and that rlly upsets me becaus eim not i do care about her and i rlly do love her so much but shes been taken and i need to stop rambling theres nothing anyone can do to help anyway im just so done


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