Last night I cried myself to sleep and felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I felt overwhelmed and exhausted and I felt like screaming. I’m struggling to get better. It’s like the people who know I’m not well expect me to better already because months have passed since then incident. I’m barley functioning like a person again and there are certain dates coming up that are flaring up my aniexty. I just feel like disappearing. Without really thinking about it I removed all my social media from my phone noticing I was pretending to be someone that I used to be. Not that I want to flare out my problems online but I hated that person. I hate how easy it can be to fake being happy but so difficult to be actually happy. I have a voice in my head fighting me and people in my life telling me I’m fine and not validating me. I feel brushed into a corner all alone again. Left to handle my problems by myself because they are such an inconvenience to everyone. My mom can’t handle it, my sister only concerns herself with mental illness when it comes to her friends, and my dad tells me I’m fine. I’m fine, I’m fine, he keeps telling me I’m fine and nothing has happened to me. It makes me scream when he asks why I stopped talking to some of my cousins that didn’t bother to show up to my book party. They didn’t show up without giving me a reason or apology, so I cut them out. I just need to step away and protect myself. I can’t handle being hurt again I just don’t think I can handle much of anything anymore. Disappearing just feels like what I have to do.

1 Comment
  1. kdub 3 years ago

    Please don’t disappear. I know what you mean though. Things are so bad right now. I don’t want to commit suicide I just want all this anxiety and depression to…disappear. Each day is different-some are good and some are bad. I’m hopeful things will get better but I need a lot of strength right now.

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