I wish for once someone would ask me if I was okay. I would probably lie and say I am okay but you know what I’m not okay. There. No, I’m not okay! My mind is a roller coaster. One hour I’m my happy, bubbly self and the next I’m so damn depressed/stressed out I just want to crawl under the covers and cry. As said in earlier blog posts, I was diagnosed with anxiety & depression at least I think my Dr. diagnosed me with depression because he prescribed me antidepressants? As far as the anxiety goes, I am going to see a psychiatrist September 13th at 9am (finally) and though my conciousness keeps trying to talk myself out of it, my heart and soul is screaming at me to go because of how badly I need this. Why? I need anxiety meds not depression meds, I need my dog registered as emotional support, and most importantly I need someone I can talk to. Someone I can lay all of my miserable day to day worries, thoughts, and feelings and know that they can’t so much as cast one little judgment they just have to listen and that is all I need. I just need someone to listen. I need someone to listen to my sad story of how I was bullied and how I now have trust issues, I need someone to listen to how I’m head over heels about my roommate/best friend but will never tell him, I need someone to listen to how terrified I am that one day I won’t see or even talk to said crush/roommate/bestfriend as we will both be going on with our lives and will slowly fade from one another (I actually cried over this earlier today), I need someone to listen to every little thing and right now all of that is pent up and I’m really debating on just taking the stupid antidepressants because some small part of me has hope that perhaps for now until I get into see the psychiatrist they may help me feel just a little bit better. I keep doubting but, I’ll never know until I try. I am so, so pathetic but I’m pathetic because I’ve been allowing myself to pretend I’m okay for so long when being honest and open no, I’m not okay and I haven’t been for a long, long time.

  1. haveagoodday 5 years ago

    I don’t think you should call yourself pathetic… to me you don’t sound pathetic at all. 🙁

    I could listen to you if you want. Although I find it hard not give advice… and it sounds like you find that annoying. 🙂 But I can definitely try to just listen if that’s what you want.

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  2. brianne23 5 years ago

    I don’t think you’re pathetic either. At least you had the guts to admit you need to see someone and actually make the appointment. It’s a step.

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