She dosen't deserve all the crap I put her through, and I know that but I can't stop myself. I see her and all I think is why did it have to be you? Why couldn't it have been me I did everything to make you happy mother….father…. everything. I learned to sing, I got accepted into margnet schools for sciences and maths. I prusued the arts too. So why didn't you care? Why didn't you love me like you loved her. I was the oldest child your first born child and yet, I am the one who got everything…but nothing all at once. I was given money, and material objects for what? I don't even know. Sure I guess it was nice but if it was so nice why do I cry about it?

I don't know when I first started to notice the favor maybe when I was about 5? Mother you defended her from father's harsh violent blows. You let me take all the abuse both physical and mental. You didn't care about me, but I cared about you still like some fool! Then as I grew up and rebelled you punished me, it made you angry with me so I stopped. Then she rebelled and you didn't yell, you didn't scold you didn't do anything but say "I understand". I don't understand! Why me but not her! I got a job for you to help fund our house after father left and you took the money with no care and it made me happy to see it help our home but then you yelled at me for not cleaning the house when you got home. I was at work and she was here all day playing on her computer so why me! I didn't understand you kept yelling at me and yelling and yelling and now I want to crumble. I want to hide.

I understnad you favor her but she got expelled from high school and I get yelled at about my grades. I know your pushing your hopes and dreams on me but it hurts. so please just please let me go free for once in my life let me be me and not something else that i never wanted to be.

I can't help and looka t her with such hate, I want her to kill herself to dissappear from this earth but its wrong she didnt do anything to me nothing. Nothing at all…..

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 8 years ago

    How old are you?  Are you at home now?  When I couldn't bear the abuse any longer, the favoritism, I left at 19.  I chose a hard road to be on my own, and later when I had a child I went back for help.  They did help me, but I hated to look at them.  Try as I might, I cannot forgive my father for what he did and my mother for allowing it to happen.  The anger is less, thanks to much therapy, but it lingers.  Your feelings of hate are understandable, I would suggest some therapy to get it out and sort it out.  Hope you feel better soon.

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