Very depressed with myself. Everyday I feel I let myself down by filling my face with food. I hate what I look like (and my pictures are from before) My binge eating is ruining me. I have gain so much weight, I dont fit in my clothes, I dont feel sexy, I'm very uncomfortable.
All together I'm just so low. I know I have an additicion to food. But I feel I cant stop myself. I start the day with a small workout to keep myself motivated, and I try to bring a peice of fruit to work so I dont eat much, then boom so hungry eat-eat-eat drink a soda or a coffee full of calories that my waste line is filling out that I cant fit in my clothes. Then I feel worse then I get depressed and have no energy, sit watch tv and boom food-food-food..
I truly just want to help myself and all I can do is help myself to my fridge. My anxiety of what people who knew me before think, or what my boyfriend thinks (even tho he says I'm sexy when I look at myself it makes me sick), what my family thinks, how ugly I look and feel. My depression kicks in high gear my attiude changes, my anxiety hits me and boom food as my comfort!
Its a never ending cycle that happens everyday! My self image is horrible, my happiness HA what's that?/? So uncomfortable in my own skin it makes me sick! I cant look in the mirror without saying "I was so pretty before!, remember when I could wear this? or pinch my chub and cry and say what did I do to myself.
I'm at a lost with myself. I think to myself I can talk to my doctor, but I just might hear "control your eating, eat smaller meals" . Its easier said then done, when I feel I have NO CONTROL! I have good intenses everyday and boom I FAIL MYSELF!