Haven't been on DT for a few days….I've just been having such a mixture of feels & thoughts….that have me a little crazy!! This is also why I put as my "mood" "don't know" I've been doing lots of pacing for the last few days…I had to go run errands today and couldn't get myself out of bed till about 4:30 PM and it was a big struggle to do that, let alone go to the bank, supermarket, store for stamps & back home. One of the thing that has me feeling so down is that my oldest brother was diagnosed with some sort of brain dementia ( he had a PET Scan and it showed abnormalities) I'm not quite sure what the diagnosis was, since my family tries to shield me from some of the unhappy things that occurre within the family ( I guess this is due to my servere depression). My brother was diagnosed a few months ago….but the other day he sent me a message via an instant message…and the one thing that happened has really hit a nerve with me was that I said to him I heard you'll be up for thanksgiving (he recently moved to Florida & we the siblings live in NY & NJ) and he said yes, I'll be in NYC in a few months….I then said to him….wait a minute we are in Nov. you'll be here in a couple of weeks….he said to me….I guess so!! As if he had no clue he had plans to come up for thanksgiving. It got me thinking for several days now how sad it must be for him to know he his forgetting so much….to know that the possibility of forgetting his family & friends is very likely….it got me thinking about how sad I was at the prospect of my big brother not remembering me & every time this thought crosses my mind…I break down crying (as I'm doing now) Am I crying for myself, for him, or both of us? Well I'm crying to much right now to go on….so I'll close this Blog for now….until next time….bye for now!

Zallie