Well i’m back. For those who didn’t know, I have just spent the last 8 days in the Department of Psycological medicine Ward of my local hospital. I’ll give a run down on what happenend in a bit.
I firstly want to thank someone who was still talking to me while I was in hospital. Even though It was only via msn, just knowing that the world was still moving on was so good for me. So to Empty – I love you hon, and thank you so much for talking to me when I was in my darkest times. I know you have alot going on yourself, and just taking those few minutes to talk to me meant alot. xxxxxxx to you. Thank you to all those who sent well wishes also.
So getting back to what happened. Well I actually wrote this while I was in hospital on scrap bits of paper. I missed blogging so much. You never really realise how much you rely on something until its gone. But anyway, I’m just going to write what I wrote down.
Last wednesday, I started it like any other, I said I was going to school when infact I wasn’t. I spent the last 20 dollars I had on alcohol and I drunk it. I started txting a friend cause I started to have some thoughts about killing myself, or injuring. I realise now that, that was a big mistake as I think I have now lost that friendship. I made my way to one of the busiest roads and was ready to jump out into traffic. I was done. Suddenly I started feeling sick, so I made my way to the local public toilets and started throwing up. I then couldn’t move. I felt stuck. Stupid me continued to txt my friend; causing him much worry, and I ended up taking his advise and calling 000. The few minutes between calling 000 and the police and ambulance arriving are very hazy. I’m not quite sure what happened there.
The next thing I remember was fighting with the police in the toilets. I faught with everything that was in me. I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want anyones help. In the end there were about 7 police officers pretty much dragging me to the police paddywagon. I remember on the way smashing my head on a brick wall a few times. I still have lumps on my head, and many bruises from the encounter. While In the paddywagon I screamed, punched, kicked at anything that was near me. Including the walls. I just wanted out. I was over. I didn’t want any help anymore, I just wanted to be left alone. When the car came to a stop I took the shoe laces from one of my shoes and wrapped it around my wrist soo tight that my hand went bright purple. I then remember the police dragging me into one of the psych rooms in the ER, a jab in the arm with a needle, and Then it was all over.
I came too a few times during the night. I remember seeing that there was a security officer having to keep watch over me, and they kept me pretty sedated. I even had to be escorted to the bathroom. That was interesting.
I eventually got taken up to the psych ward where I have spent the last 8 days. They have put me on a drug called Largactil, which is actually an anti-psycotic, but it does seem to stablize my moods quite well. It does make me feel a bit doped up, so if i’m talking to you and not making sence I’m sorry about that.
I still have some sore spots on my body. I did enjoy the rest while in the hospital. There were a few patients that scared me, but that is kinda to be expected. I was admitted to the ward as "involuntary" so leaving without drs permission was not going to happen. I’m glad that i’m out though. I missed DT alot.. wierd.