Well it's about time for another blog I think to update you all on what's been going on in the world of Emma.
I finally heard about the job, after 2 weeks of waiting – I came in one day to find a message on the answerphone saying I was unsuccessful "because I came across as too nervous at the interview". So I spent the next few days in a depression and feeling like a failure. Now? I guess I feel a little better about it – I mean, of course I was going to be nervous about walking in there and being interviewed by the people who had forced me out of my job in the first place. On the other hand, I feel angry and cheated out of a job I know, and they know, I can do.
I also had a hospital appointment last week – I'd been referred to rheumatology for a long standing problem I've had with chronic pain in my limbs. I've suffered with this pain since my mid-teens, but initially my mum kept telling me it was growing pains so I thought it was normal. When I reached my early twenties and realised it couldn't possibly still be growing pains I mentioned it to my doctor, but he just pondered for a moment and said "well… I don't know what that could be", and that was that! Over the years I've brought it up again and again and I've had a few sets of blood tests done which have all been clear, so various doctors I've had have all just said the same, that they don't know what it is but not to worry about it!
Eventually I finally got referred to the hospital (after a 15 year wait!) and after only 5 minutes with the specialist he diagnosed me with fibromyalgia! I can't believe it's taken all these years to finally get a diagnosis, but I'm so glad to finally have a name to put to the problem. It explains so much – not just my pain, but my tiredness, my weakness, the fact that I can't carry a carton of milk back from the supermarket (which is just over the road) without getting pins and needles in my arm and feeling utterly exhausted!!
I've got new medication, which is actually an anti-depressant (amitryptaline) so I was a bit wary about taking it along with the paroxetine, but I've been fine with it so far and it's certainly helping my sleeping although it really makes me drowsy!