It doesn’t matter how many tears I cry or how many times I beg or even try, they always treated me like this and today was terrible, No kid should want to die because of his own family does to him DAILY… But today sucked it was horrible.. I woke up to my “Mom” Screaming at me, That made me Have a panic attack about school and I couldn’t go or even be in the car with her not today… She took my phone so I had No one to talk too Unitll school was over. _–_-Abuse_-__-  ..  Had Ptsd attack.. Finished what she told me to do, told me to do alot more things then I will get it back.. so i did just so maybe she can help me wanna live… __–_Abuse_–__ Didn’t have my phone back yet…
when you push someone too far: they break, there’s only so much I can take and with no one to talk to and to give me hope… well I wonder how much I can truly take because I can’t take it anymore… I’m Done, I don’t think anyone can stop me not her, not me, mabby her being her could be she can’t. maybe if she could stay on the phone for hours with me should could too but she can’t because timing screwd that up. You expect me to be fine and I am but not at here…
Everything they have and continue to do, builds up until you snap and im there… The trauma doesn’t go, not when your in an environment like this.. it haunts me… it brakes me… i-i dont know anymore…
I can’t live here and with all of the scars, the cuts, the trauma, it replays and new ones are born, this isn’t an environment to heal in, There isn’t any love here, any care, just people who treat me like shit… I’ve never experienced love, I’ve been touched with love or respect or care, just hitting and slamming and more and more abuse… I wanna be loved so bad, I wanna be safe, I wanna be okay… I just want someone who won’t hurt me..
I’m scared… I’m all alone just crying as I’m writing this… I need you… I need to be okay to not hurt you… I don’t wanna do that but I want someone to care.. i dont even care for myself at this point… No one to hold, no one to hold me… i never felt that, I never been given attention: not at home, not at school, not in mental hospitals, just a few minutes on the phone but they don’t wanna talk to me… I’m done living
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