So I finally have my diagnosis in hand. I've read all that it says, and at the end it says I'm a Bipolar I, not a bipolar II as we had thought. Because of the psychotic symptoms with hallucinations and the really high highs, that's what landed me at Bipolar I. That and the paranoia and"grandiose thoughts". They think I'm nuts because I believe I'm empathic…does it make people nuts because they believe in God? Both are illogical in scientific terms, but there's this thing called FAITH that isn't logical either. So does that make me "crazy" too? Whatever.
So that's the good (and poor) news. But it's good for the SSDisability to see. My doctor is probably going to put me on Lithium, and I truly hope that helps me. It would be nice not to have "divebombs" anymore, although I will miss the highs. But I also know there will still be breakthrough episodes that we'll just have to manage as they come.
Other than that it's been a good morning. We're doing all the cooking for our belatedThanksgiving celebration with my side of the family for this afternoon. I hope thischeers upmy Uncle…I know he's feeling really down because he'sstuck in a wheelchairright now. I wish he would see that he's lucky to be here with us, but he's depressed. At least he's home. He could've ended up in a nursing home being fed by a tube and end up bedridden and unable to speak or respond. That would truly be hell. He still gets confused at times, but that's to be expected from the major brain trauma he experienced.He's extremely blessed to be alive.I just wish he could see it that way. But I too at times don't feel happy with beingalive, and I understand. Hopefully he'll come out ofit on his own.He doesn't believe in psychiatrists, therapists or psychiatric medicine of any sort. It's too bad.
So I'm tired asusual today, but it's another beautiful day out. I don't have a lot offree time today as my sonis gettinga half-day of school today.So I'm going to take an early nap today. I'msorry if I don't respondto all the messages you guys have left today; I justdon't have time until tonight and I'll probably just go to bed after I get home.
I hope you allhave a good day and know that you're loved and wished all the best.Hugs to you all! ~ Key
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I think it’s good to finally have a diagnosis. At least it gives me peace of mind. Then you have more a speciic way of knowing how to treat it, also gives you validation, "hey, maybe I’m not as mad as I might have thought". When I was diagnosed with the skin disease that I have I shouted at the doc, "See, I’m not fucking crazy and not a liar!" It took almost 10 years to get a diagnosis, going to various doctors having them tell me nothing was wrong with me and that I was just unclean and unhygenic. Same can be said about mental illness too I think, sometimes it takes years to get a proper diagnosis. We know our bodies better than anybody though.
Dear Keya,
All in all it is good newa. Lithium can be a hard drug with which to deal. I suggest you go in for all the adjustments for dosage that are oftimes need. It is a very effective drug, but it needs personalized and frequent tweets. You will now need patience.
It's good to get a diagnosis so you can understand yourself better and what you need to be healthy. I take lithium. It does help. You do have to have your levels ttested from time to time. I know what you mean about missing the highs, I love them and still have them they're just not as intense.
I think believing in something other than ourselves is a sign of normalcy, not craziness. We want to make sense of the world and faith has a way of healing and soothing that science cannot. Since the beginning of humankind, we have always believed in something otherworldly. I think it's just something inherent.
Peace and love in this holiday season to you and yours.