I don’t know if there is some type of voyeurism in this or why I like writing here.  Sometimes its nice to think your writing and not all to yourself.  Well, if yesterday was the day from hell, today is going much better.  Hypocrite moi picked up a latte with breakfast, then I went out for lunch – a beautiful spinach salad – which I wolfed down like a wolf, and to top it all off I landed at Baked Expectation for a flourary, chocalatey goodness.  Anyways, needless to say I’m feeling much better.

Hmm..  so the reason I came here to write?  There must have been something.  Like what I did today?  Or what I’m going to do?  I’ll spare the details (and it has nothing to do with what I wrote yesterday, so if you’re onto that please…).  I’m sure itchin’ to go back to school now.  I went to the library today, but it’s closed so all I could do was drop a book off.  Luckily, I still have one I’m not finished with.  HA!  No, just kidding.  You know who you are, but I didn’t mean it like that.

Hmm.. life is lov — el — y.  I was thinking about what it would be like to be a lawyer.  Just because there’s no justice, doesn’t mean I can’t bring the justice.  So a lawyer or a recreation managment and community development pro–f–ess–ion–al (like how my parents, uncles and aunts would pronounce it).  Oh pu–ll–ease.  Today I also read an article today about sleep and mental illness.  Insomnia leads to depression more so than the other way around according to Dr. I forget his name.  With less sleep the amygdala and the emotional centers gets overly active and you have this reactivity and questions like "Is it okay to write that?  Should I really send my friend that email?  What if I make a mistake?" etc. (April 16th Update: Or, perhaps you just get really hyped up like I was when I wrote this…) 

Of course the automatic link in my brain goes to the Behavioral Neuroscience text entry on antidepressants.  Prozac – the pill that was evily handed to me, says the text, seems to work by decreasing REM sleep cycles.  YAY!  Okay not really.  For every "antidote", there seems to be a consequence. 

You know what, genuinely I think the Prozac has helped me.  One of the reasons I think restriction of food is so appealing to me is because it alters serotonin pathways in my brain.  I swear it does.  I feel calmer, albeit if I do it too much just numb.  Anyways, Prozac does the same thing.  No wonder they put me on it.  I didn’t have to starve to feel calmer, they’d just give me a pill… that alters REM sleep cycles?!?  Jesus.

When it’s all said and done, though I don’t think I’ve got it too bad.  Really, my brain could have been in worse shape if I’d never gone on this stuff – whatever it is and however it works… and for how long it works.  Ugh. Ah.

Thanks for Listening to me Rant (Because if you don’t listen I’ll KILL Youuu.  Ahhh!!!)

Kali