Seems really all I've needed to feel better is to remember what an awesome person I can be. When I don't, I become bitter, mopey and generally not someone people like to be around. I can be so much more fun when I feel better about myself and I think honestly the more I got depressed the worse my life got and it fed on itself.
You know what? I have job interviews, I have a job, I work on my life every day, I'm at it on the piano learning new pieces, and when I feel better I'll get back in the gym with the goal of doing a cool little mini-marathon in Portland in a couple months. I admit part of me still wishes I could've got my exes approval and I don't know why. She was rotten to me the last year or so I knew her. Granted I was never really the best boyfriend but I did love her and still do.
Now I need to remember, if I want to make friends I need to stop being so stuck on myself and just smile, talk to people, care about their problems and what they have to say and take an interest in their lives. There's so many interesting people out there to learn about and share experiences with. I want to go to a long music festival and meet awesome people, I want to go to the bookstore and discus books with people, I want to work on projects, both in programming and in music with others. I have wants and desires and passions and i'll do it all, one piece at a time so long as I remember not to lose sight and not to get down.
I think perhaps the hard times may be nearing their end for now and I need to push on, i'm almost back into the light.