I haven't written a blog in a while, those of you who know me know i've been super busy. It's almost 5 am right now, I can't sleep, between reading emails and gossip about Britney Spears' breakdown I just can't seem to entertain myself. I woke up a little after 4 and could not, for the life of me, go back to sleep.

For the 3rd time this winter, I have a bad cold, I caught one right before we left montreal, then another before xmas, which warranted 4 prescriptions from a doctor I saw, but I could not afford to pick them up. Then my husband caught a cold and of course I ended up with it too, put me within 50 feet of someone with a cold and I will get it. Today we dropped off the prescription for the nasal spray because I was congested to the point that trying to breath through my nose would just cause suction to happen and my nostrils to close up. When we went back to pick up the script, it was 93 dollars, just for the spray, which we can't afford. My husband's mother gave me some allegra-d which after much research appears to be safe to take with my meds, it's helped a little, but it's making me feel nervous and anxious. 

Today we also attempted to get our car's oil changed, of course, we could not find a place that'd do it, something about an aluminum cap that they can't handle. Sigh… we're over 2000 km over the recommended oil change mark.

Today I also found out that my father flew back to Quebec, over the holidays, he ended up unable to pee, they put a tube in there, but he's been peeing blood clots mostly. He went through radiation treatments for cancer, which messed up his bladder pretty bad, he flew back to quebec to see his doctor, he spends the winter in florida every year, now I'm without news and I'm worried sick. I don't know if he's been hospitalized or not. His wife callled me to let me know he was on his way to Quebec this morning, I talked to him twice this afternoon, once when he was waiting for his transfer in Toronto, then when he was on his way to the hospital. I can't help it, I'm scared, before, I could hear the will to fight in his voice, lately though, that's changed and it scares me. I miss him a lot, I'm so scared that something will happen to him.  

It's been a rough couple of months, with the move and everything and realizing just how much needed to be done with the house we bought. I've found out that I can't be around paint for extended periods of time, the fumes affect my breathing, which makes my anxiety go through the roof. We've painted the entire house ourselves, put together our new furniture, we're still sleeping on our mattress on the floor because we haven't had a chance to put our bed together. We were gonna do that this weekend, but I'm so sick that I have no energy, just going to Target to pick out curtains for our computer room has left me totally drained today. I was going to make the curtains, but I feel so sick right now that I just can't work on that and we needed drapes as soon as possible, the sun shines through the blinds which makes it impossible to see the screen. 

I've tossed and turned so much that my back is killing me, I can't even sit or stand straight. I want to wake up my husband, but he didn't sleep more than 2 hours last night and that'd just be cruel. I'm scared, sitting here alone, even though he's in the next room. I've got so much on my mind that I feel like I can't think straight. Thinking about my father's situation makes me want to cry, but I have to hold back, or I won't be able to breath at all.

I do feel a bit better now that I've written about it, I guess sometimes it does help a little to just let it out.  


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