This is my first post. I'm not exactly sure where to start or what to say? Do you just flow it out like stream of conscience? How do you know where to start?

At the beginning? That seems too far back. So – I guess I'll start right here. I'm struggling. Things are pretty dark right now. I have been sinking for a while and the hole just seems to be getting wider & deeper. And, while the depression & anxiety is holding me firmly in her grip – I was "hanging" in there. I was able to manage. Then a brick fell that I was not able to hold as well. I have suffered from a bad back (sciatica) for years. It comes & goes. Most of the time I'm out for a short time – then I can rebound. Not this time. I am completely out for the count. I have tried to heal myself with visits to the urgent care – but, it's not a lasting solution. I have missed so much work I don't know what to do. I haven't been at my current job long enough to take a medical leave – and, I'm using up all my PTO faster than I can count. I'm panicked & trapped. I support myself and feel like I don't have any choices right now. I turn to my mother (who has suffered from the same conditions in her past – and is amazing). But – even I know that my parents support is not going to solve my problems this time. I'm going to have to pull myself up – but, I just don't feel like I have the strength to do this again. I'm so tired of being tired. So tired of feeling lost. So tired of feeling unhappy. So – I think that's probably enough for my first post.

A first tentative step.