I’m a 38 year old male, and I’ve signed up for the anxiety and LGBTQ+ tribes.

I’ve questioned my gender for a long time (early 20s).  I’m not sure if I actually belong in the LGBTQ+ community, they seem to be more sure of themselves and have faced the hardships of the general public.  I am too much of a coward to live the lifestyle or even admit what I want.  I’ve spent over 15+ years being silent or not do anything that might ouste myself as different, but it has come to a point I can’t just push it down anymore.

I finally told my wife and best friend 2 years ago, my friend is in the LGBTQ+ community and had been a great support, my wife in the otherhand is not to keen about it.

Although I’ve not been diagnosed with anything, I’d guess I have some sort of anxiety disorder.  I’ve used EAP programs through work, but haven’t utilized any therapy because of the cost.  Councillors with the EAP have discussed being a worrier, but that is the only thing that has been said.

I’m really not great with feelings, and it makes me feel broken at times.  I don’t like to cry around anyone, and even don’t like to laugh around people I’m not comfortable with, my wife noted it when we were watching comedy shows, I guess my default is just not laugh out loud.

I guess I’m here wanting to put my feelings into actual words and am forcing myself to Blog it for understanding either it be myself or give other people in similar situations knowing they aren’t alone.