I am a trans man.

I knew from the age of four that I was a boy. I did not understand biological differences until kindergarten when I went to the boys room and they were peeing standing. The boys told me I was girl and it hurt. They even got a teacher to yell at me for going to the boys room. After that, I never did anything to stray from the path of being female.

Depression started when I was seven. I was suicidal all the time and I couldn’t handle life. I didn’t see myself grow up to be a mother or a woman. I saw myself as a father, the groom, and a grandfather.

my aunt gave me my first pair of basketball shorts and even though they were hand me downs, they felt like freedom and gender affirming.

I finally met a fellow trans man in high school who helped me connect the dots. I was in denial until covid lockdown. I began transition on HRT and it helped me so much. No regrets! I changed my name, gender mark, and of course enlisted in the drafting service. (It’s required).

My father accepts me for me. He calls me his son and has been so supportive. But my mother on the other hand refuses to respect my pronouns, new legal name, or gender identity. It hurts. She’s so sweet but she’s constantly rejecting me and reminding me that I will never be her son. She birthed a daughter and she sees me that way forever.

I don’t want to cut my mom off. She’s suffering from a neurological disorder and is losing cognitive function. She’s losing mobility. She’s sick. I don’t want her to suffer alone, but I can’t suffer with her and put my mental health in jeopardy.

I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck, depressed, and unloved.